尘世间的婚姻

先好好学习学习下面一篇 essay:

“My husband is not my best friend. He doesn't complete me. In fact, he can be a self-absorbed jerk. We're nearly polar opposites: He's a lifetime member of the NRA who doesn't care for journalists, and I'm a lifelong liberal with a journalism degree. On the other hand, he doesn't beat or emotionally abuse me. He doesn't drink or chase other women. He's a good provider. So I'm sticking with him.

Some people would call that "settling," like it's a bad thing. But I believe in settling.

The Random House Unabridged Dictionary defines "to settle" as "to place in a desired state or order; to quiet, calm or bring to rest; to make stable." In short, it means that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Alas, too many of us buy into a different adage: that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. From movies to magazines to commercials, we're told we should demand more from lives that are, for many of us, pretty good. We're supposed to look better, eat better, find better jobs, be better lovers and parents and workers. A stable marriage isn't enough; it's supposed to be a fairy tale. Perfection is the goal.

But at what cost? Would I really be any happier if I took up yoga and ate more soy? If my spouse wasn't just my partner, but also was my soul mate? I doubt it.

Settling, in my sense, is about acceptance. I'm a pretty happy person, in large part because I'm honest with myself about what I have. My body isn't bikini-worthy, but it's healthy. I'll never write for Rolling Stone as I once dreamed, but I am making a living as a writer. I yell at my sons and let them play too much GameCube, but I'm still a good mom.

Of course, some situations are worth improving. If your weight jeopardizes your health, exercise and change your eating habits. If your job makes you truly miserable, find a new one. If your marriage is toxic, end it. Chances are, though, you probably have what you need: a roof over your head, food on the table, a job that pays the bills, and family and friends. If you're unhappy, ask yourself: Am I unhappy because I really don't have what I need, or because I just want more?

So, yes, I'm settling. Sure, I wish my husband would kiss me more often, tell me he loves me every day, and get as excited about my accomplishments as I do. Emptying the dishwasher without being asked and giving me unsolicited foot massages wouldn't hurt, either.

All that would be nice, but it's not necessary. I'm happy with my husband who, despite his flaws, is a caring father, capable of acts of stunning generosity and fiercely protective of his family. Thinking about him may not set me on fire as it used to, but after 17 years and two kids, our love is still warm. And I believe that's good enough.”

这是我今天在回家途中收音机里听到的，后来在网上一查，原来 NPR 举办 this I believe 征文活动已有50多年的历史了。什么时候俺也去投一稿。——终极问题：人家咋就没整出一套“审美疲劳”来涅？

"Pride and Prejudice" ，Elizabeth 的堂兄来她家相亲遭到拒绝，Elizabeth 的闺蜜Charlotte 得知此事后，主动接近那位堂兄，没多久俩人便结为夫妇。那位堂兄是一位在权贵面前卑恭屈膝唯唯诺诺的可怜人，Charlotte 则称得上是一位有文化有见解的“知性女性”，Elizabeth 后来去见Charlotte，看见他们一家丰衣足食，相亲相爱，堂兄还是以前唯喏的样子，只是脸上多了些幸福，Charlotte 依就平淡从容令人尊敬和热爱。——这是在小说中看到的最令我叹为观止的婚姻。

当小风风需要 change diaper 时，妈妈秀气的说：你去吧，爸爸温柔的道：你去吧，妈妈甜蜜地：划拳吧，爸爸温和的：好，妈妈霎时两眼露出聪慧的光芒：一次定胜负，输了的去。剪刀锤子布，剪刀剪破布。爸爸认命地抱着风风上楼去了，妈妈挪挪身子，换了一种更惬意的姿势接着与本镜坐而论道。——这是 live happily ever after 的第N 年。

T闺蜜家有一项让俺跌破眼镜片的国策：半夜上下班，晚间的飞机，都是不接也不送。饭局时，俺就没见过T蜜给自己夹过菜菜，俺一旁不经意的拿眼瞧着，一边想啊：这在外面挡风遮雨的，不会是手无夹菜之力的这位吧？T蜜曾免费向我兜售她的治家理论：老头子总是对的，我问：那你收了多少袋烂苹果了呀？T蜜很不屑道：切，我这不是在等着金子嘛！

——这，就是尘世间的婚姻。没有 fairy 没有 tale.